Which brings me to my 2+ hour Walmart visit today. First off, since I usually go to the store during the day it also means I am there with a large number of 60 year old plus people. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But it just makes for a different shopping experience.
It started when I pulled into the parking lot. I pulled into an open spot, put my car in park and rolled the passenger back side window down a bit for Gunner to hang is head out while I went over my list. Next thing ya know I hear a mans voice asking how old he is. That was creepy. I look and this guy is parked next to Gunners open window. I tell him he's three. He proceeds to start talking to Gunner from his car. Im starting to feel awkward now. Then I hear a door shut and the guy is now standing at my open window asking if he can pet him. My heart starts beating extremely fast. See I am from the a big city suburbs. If someone did that where I used to live, I would have rolled my windows up, start screaming, call police - you name it. But here it seems invading someone's bubble is normal. So I start telling myself to be cool, be calm. I was. I let him pet the dog, while I made sure 911 was on my speed dial. He ended up being a harmless weirdo. Im not sure I will ever get used to this!!!
Anyways... when I finally walked in to Walmart, there was an older lady sitting right in the middle of the aisle greeting everyone. She was extremely nice, peppy and actually made you feel happy for coming to Walmart. You just had to be nice and chat back.
After my chat was through with her, I was on my way to the opposite side of the store. They conveniently placed these shopping parts full of $1 clearance items right in the middle of the aisle. So of course I had to stop and look. Well, that led to worker #2 talking my ear off about how great these smelly markers were and oooohh check out those .39 cent stamps!! She was quite the seller. Then I made the mistake of asking if they had Farmers Almanac books. That brought on a whole other discussion.
After what seemed like forever - I finally made it to the other side of the store for a bunch of misc items. One of the things I was looking at was paint chips. Here is where worker #3 appeared. He was this jolly ole' man with a white beard, big belly and wearing huge suspenders. He wanted to make sure if I needed anything I knew he was there. He was so very sweet and polite. BUT it doesnt end there. Next thing you know I am knee deep in paint chips and more advise than I needed. Eventually I moved on.
I only made it two aisles. This sweet old lady was having quite the animated conversation with herself and the power strips in her hand. I excused myself as I walked in front of her and she startles me when she gently grabs my wrist. She says "Honey, do you mind if I tell you a joke?" I think I was a little speechless as I was so not expecting that and I am also pretty sure I stuttered the answer of "Uh, Um, sure?" I tried to put on my best - "Im so excited to hear this joke" expression. She started it with telling me she seen it on Facebook this morning. That made me laugh. She had to be at least 80 and she looked like she just came from Sunday school... Which is why when she told me this joke. I thought I was going to die laughing. She went on to tell me this joke below. She did paraphrase it some. But just to get the whole thing out, I found it online and put it below: (I did reword some due to its 'adult nature' for some readers)
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
Dad: Son, where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school.
The robot slaps the son.
Son: Ok! I watched a DVD at my mates.
Dad: Which one?
Son: Kung Fu Panda.
The robot slaps the son again.
Son: Ok! It was a 'bad movie'.
Dad: WHAT? When I was your age I didn’t even know what a 'bad movie' was!
The robot slaps the Dad.
Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he’s your son.
The robot slaps the mom...
Okay.. so thats a funny joke right? Sure. But hearing it from an 80 year old-ish woman that found it on Facebook AND used all the 'adult' words... now that was unexpected and funny. After the joke she just walked away.
Im sure I looked rather odd walking through the store laughing to myself. (Pause: as I am writing this my daughter tell me they almost hit a pig today on the way home from school on the bus. See? C-O-U-N-T-R-Y) Okay... back to the story. Anyways, the next funny thing was walking down a main aisle where some clerk with a sense of humor put these motion detected laughing babies that move their arms and legs. There was about 5 shelves of them with 9-12 on each shelf. At first it made me jump, then laugh, and then I felt a little creepy hearing all their laughs {shudder}. I am sure someone was watching this on the surveillance video laughing. I know I would be.
You would think that this was it. But it wasn't. The food side of the store was just as entertaining. There was this guy that almost had me running and screaming for the hills. No joke. I am minding my own business shopping and I feel like someone is behind me, like really close, so I turn around. There is. And he is dressed up like the statue of liberty. Crown and all. Freaked.Me.Out. Turns out he just has a really odd job. He was trying to sell some tax service named Liberty something. Geesh. Really?
It doesn't end their either. There was was the old man in the coffee aisle discussing why it is over priced. The rotiserrie chicken lady that confused me more than needed. And last but not least the cashier that is from California, has a son, is getting ready to move back home, only has her car to take them in and wants to know where I found such a large thing of cleaning vinegar.
Once I received my receipt I think I practically ran out of that place. There was only a little bit more commotion. That was the sound of a dog choir when I got to my car. It seems this lil car that parked next to me had 3 labs in side. So our dog was doing his 'Im lonely speak to me cry' and the labs were barking ferociously as they wagged their tails.
Oh please dear Lord. Just let me go home!!
Love it!
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